Black Lung Crayola #41 "Color 'Em If Ya Got 'Em!"

I'm a little antsy tonight. Going back to work tomorrow after more than two months. Until recently I basically gave myself any excuse in the book to smoke. Nervous. Irritated. Anxious. Drunk. Blah blah blah. I'm fixin' to go back into a work environment where most of my co-workers are smokers. It would be the easiest thing in the world to just go take a drag or even have one. I shall be entering the jobsite tomorrow with my notepad and a pack of crayolas. Wish me luck.

Black Lung Crayola #40 "S.O.S.!"

Well I finally made it back to San Francisco this past weekend. The group I went out with were nearly all smokers so it was going to be a trying night. This time I carried my little notepad and a 16 pack of crayolas with me as we layed waste to this filthy town. Above is the progression of the evening and, I'm proud to say, even after ending up at a one of the few bars in the city that allow smoking, I, like a creepy little troll, sat in the corner and colored fuiously.

It is now Sunday morning and I am officially halfway through my 31st day off not smoking. I still want them all the time but this whole "tricking the brain" thing does seem to be doing the trick for now.

Black Lung Crayola #39 "Gesundheit"

I sat next to a stinky old man on the plane from Chicago to Los Angeles. Not only did he stink but he was half in my #@%$! seat the entire time. I angrily drew this while sitting next to him. Once upon a time if someone was irritating me in public I would just blow smoke in their face. Well, being that I am not smoking and on a plane, I did something a little more passive aggressive. I can't help that he's used to his own stench of failure and rotton beef. Whatever. Here's a house sneezing. I'm gonna go take another shower.

Twitchy and grumpy,
Jacob.

Black Lung Crayola #38 "Waxing Artistic"

Note to self: Don't try to smoke your crayons. Just a ridiculous mess. Especially if you have a beard. Whoopsies.

Black Lung Crayola #37 "Out With The Bad Air. In With The Good"

I drew the spiky nonsense around the lungs mostly because my friend bought me a new box of crayons the other night and I wanted to test out Mango Tango. I think Crayola should let me name a color. I think I could do better. That being said, I want to thank all of you who have sent me encouraging words either on here, in person or on facebook. You all are making my quitting just that much more attainable. Day 26!

Black Lung Crayola #36 "R.I.P."

This morning I calculated, roughly, how much money I've spent on cigarettes in my life. It depressed me so much that I wanted a cigarette. #@%$***#@$!!!

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

I feel only slightly better now. Especially since I didn't smoke. But seriously, well over $20,000.

Black Lung Crayola #35 "Scrabbled Eggs..."

The other day a friend of mine, who had a stuffed up nose at the time, ordered his eggs "scrambled". But, due to the fact that he was as congested as he was, it sounded like "scrabbled". So there you have it.

ps 24 days without a cigarette. physical cravings mostly gone. this whole replacing the habit thing is way harder than i thought.

Black Lung Crayola #34 "Lycan Do Whatever I Want"

I feel a certain kinship to werewolves. Mostly because I sorta look like one. But the werewolf has always been my favorite monster. It's just depressing to think that I drew better ones when I was 6 than I do now. Then again I don't spend any more than 10 minutes on any of these. Why am I trying to justify this to you?! GET OFF MY LAWN!

Black Lung Crayola #33 "the Holy Triumvirate"

Mustard is for heroes. Corn is from Iowa...you're welcome. And bacon. You do the math. Seriously. Because I can't.

Balack Lung Crayola #32 "Please Send Help"

Man, I really wanted a cigarette tonight. Got it on the brain. Thank you, crayons. And I apologize for the stupid picture.

Black Lung Crayola #31 "Thunderstruck? Try Lightningstruck."

This guy just buried someone. Then he got struck by lightning. I feel it needed explaining because it looks like a 10 year old drew it. A very disturbed 10 year old. I think I might post a picture I drew in the first grade later. One that got me sent to the principal's office. Indian vs. a Werewolf. Yep.

Black Lung Crayola #30 "No Idea"

Well, I knew I wanted to draw a shark. But hell if I couldn't think of anything else. And the sun is black because I was writing something and in the middle of writing that I started thinking about something else. Needless to say I misspelled it. Colored over it. Black sun. Deal with it. Oh, and there's a damn still life bowl of worthless fruit. Ta-da!

Updates and such.

A friend of mine recently informed me that my silly crayon drawing blog wound up on metafilter.com. it has been getting quite a bit of feedback on there. Some positive and some negative. I find it hilarious that people are actually critiquing the artwork. I do not have any delusions about my drawing skills. They are mediocre at best. And I am drawing with crayons and the occasional colored pencil. I don't know what you were expecting. This is just how I'm distracting my brain from the psychological cravings. My only hope is that it can maybe somehow give people hope that they can find something to do as an alternative to smoking or perhaps another habit. If nothing else, just have a chuckle at my stupid drawings.
As for the haters...have fun listening to Rush in your parents basement. Let everyone else have a little fun.
Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta!

-Jacob

Black Lung Crayola #29 "God Is Laughing At You"

God is laughing at you every time you fall. And so am I. Happy Friday, jerks.

Love Jacob.

Black Lung Crayola #28 "Meaner Pastures"

I grew up in Iowa but I always knew that it couldn't hold me forever. I needed somewhere faster, meaner and uglier. At the moment I'm stuck back here waiting for work out west to start back up. Time feels like it's slowing down to a crawl here. Much like the speed of a lawn mower. Hurry up, world!

Black Lung Crayola #27 "South of Valhalla"

I knew when I died I'd see viking ships gathering there upon the shore to sail my soul to a place where I will rock forever more! - Gargantua.

Inspired by one of my favorite bands ever. Gargantua. They have this great song called South of Valhalla that they end all their shows with. It's a viking rock n roll song. How could that be anything but awesome?!

Black Lung Crayola #26 "Periwinkle's Big Day"

I had a frustrating day today. Normally when I'm frustrated I would smoke to calm down. Didn't. Drew this instead. Jacob: 1 World: 0

Black Lung Crayola #25 "Who's Scruffy Lookin'?"

Well, I was over at a friend's house today playing Star Wars RPG. That's right, ladies, I party. And my friend wanted to do a picture with me. So, in homage to Empire Strikes Back, I give you what we imagine nerf herding to be. Thanks to Caleb for the little nerf footballs, the rock, sun and mountains. Holy buckets, I am lame.

Black Lung Crayola #24 "Irritated Max: Beyond Thunderdumb"

Tandem Crayola madness with my buddy Chris. Post-breakfast lunacy. Uhhh...it's a rhino and a dude running at each other whilst the great lung creature in the sky...what the hell am I talking about. This picture is fairly self-explanatory. And I believe the title is all you need. Maybe I just need a nap.

Black Lung Crayola #23 "Pterribledactyl"

Well, Jimmy, you wanted a pterodactyl hitting on women at a bar. You got a pterodactyl hitting on women at a bar. Apparently Jimmy is my Lola in my Damn Yankees life. Whatever Jimmy wants...Jimmy gets. See you at Drive Invasion, sucker!

Black Lung Crayola #22 "The Real Monsters Of Rock!"

King Kong couldn't make it. But the King of Rock n Roll could. And guess what, Godzilla? He gots laser eyes too! Happy birthday, Elvis.

Black Lung Crayola #21 "Yaaaard Matey"

I'd like to start a line of lawn ornaments for pirate enthusiasts and call them Yaaaard Mateys! I've been hangin' onto this one for a few years now. The idea and name, not the picture. But I think this could be a good buisness venture because there are two types of people in this world. Those who like pirates and liars.

Black Lung Crayola #20 "Dreams Of Home: A Self-Portrait"

Sometimes, when I'm runnin' wild in a city, I have to stop and remember what's important. Ruining your pretty flowers.

Black Lung Crayola #19 "Lindsey the Cake Smasher"

Lindsey and I are gonna piss on the Alamo someday.

Black Lung Crayola #18 "Love Is A Grilled Cheese Sammich"

Love = grilled cheese sammich. Good = tomato soup. This is starting to sound a bit like food algebra. Algebrunch. Now that sounds like a mid-morning snack of pond scum. Now that I've ruined my appetite I'm gonna go color some more. dammit.

Black Lung Crayola #17 "The Blanket People Are A Simple People"

Spent from Thanksgiving to Christmas living in a magic cave house in the middle of Atlanta. My two best friends and I, originally seeking warmth, quickly transformed into a super race of bearded, anti-Snuggie recluses. The Blanket People. The Blanket People are a gentle people. Untidy? Sure. But, none the less, kind of adorable and sad. A shared language of grunts, gestures and occasional screaming piles of fur and yarn. The Blanket People are among you.

This was weird.

And that's Jett. And Grandpa...and Sabbath.

Black Lung Crayola #16 "Pallookaville"

The movie National Treasure shoulda been about this guy. Jim Stacy. A wealth of knowledge bordering on the obscene, head honcho of the greatest drive-in movie theater in America and real life food wizard. He runs a modest looking little corndog stand called Pallookaville, where you will get to experience the greatest corndogs in the known universe. I had the priviledge of being his first employee, save for his wife, kim, and I must say that slingin' dogs with Uncle Jim were some of my favorite days I can remember.

Love you, Pa-paw!

Black Lung Crayola #15 "Andy McDaniel: Evil Genius"

This is a picture of one of my favorite people. Andy McDaniel. He is an evil genius. How so? This summer he made his own pork rinds, covered them in his own homemade dark chocolate and sprinkled them with sea salt. Probably hands down the best thing I've ever eaten. That aside, he's an awesome friend and every time he's in a photo with more than two people he always seems to be staring at something just below the camera or off to the side. We've all decided that it's most likely boobs. Thus making Andy the most honest man we know.

Black Lung Crayola #14 "Swooped"

My friend Carlene is a sweetheart but her dog, Swoop, sucks. It has the worlds most obnoxiously high pitched bark ever. This is what I feel like whenever I'm near that wretched beast. Sorry, lady. It's true and you know it. She sent me a picture of the dog for inspirations and I told her that she wouldn't like what I drew. At least I spared it from the alligator.

Black Lung Crayola #13 "Tonight The Food Is You!"

See me now - you would not dream - the food I ate - The food that screamed! -Lemmy Kilmister

wish i was as good at drawing wolves as lemmy is at singing about them.

Black Lung Crayola #12 "Rock Band"

dumb. drew it in the car. leave me alone. 4th day without smoking. thank you Crayola.

Black Lung Crayola #11 "And The Spirit Moved Me"

Drew this one in church. Sorry, God.

Black Lung Crayola #10 "Flamingo vs. Alligator"

Yep.

Black Lung Crayola #9 "Pterodactyl Bowling"

My friend, Jimmy, requested this one. He is a mad genius of all things ridiculous. But he is a hater of salted mackerel and all things synonymous.

Black Lung Crayola #8 "A Hamburger Knitting Jelly"

Well, my beautiful German friend, Frieda, came up with this one. I asked her what I should draw and she said, "A hamburger knitting jelly." No further explanation needed. Auf wiedersehen and good night.

Black Lung Crayola #7 "Tammy Faye"

My friend Lindsey wanted a picture of Tammy Faye Bakker. I would draw her anything she wanted. She had to pick my friend's mom. Dammit. Well Jay, sorry. I tried to make it look as close to good as I could. I felt a little bad about it until I realized that when Tammy's make-up ran she looked like Alice Cooper. And no one could ever be upset about that. Because Alice Cooper is awesome. And so was Ms. Bakker.

Black Lung Crayola #6 "C-Thru-PO"

Go ahead and laugh. I'm hilarious. Or am I just brilliant? Don't think about it too hard, or blood will start seeping out of your ear holes. I'll save you the messy clean up. I'm both.

Black Lung Crayola #5 "Lungs vs. Death Star"

Well, it's pretty self-explanatory. Some giant, floating lungs drifted a bit too close to Alderaan and are about to find out the hard way the magnitude of that firepower.

Black Lung Crayola #4 "Slut Machine"

My good friend Jen-bot from Atlanta requested a drawing of a robot in Las Vegas, as she was currently there marrying some lucky sumbitch in the classiest way she new how. And lucky for her her I was in a giving mood. God bless ya, lady. I hope you two are happy. *cough (it'll never last!) cough* hack! wheeze! Just kiddin' y'all.

Black Lung Crayola #3 "The Chaser Is Better Than The Catch"

It's a clever title. You know it and I know it. Now let's dance!

Black Lung Crayola #2 "Lungs vs. Tank"

This one is a little dark. Sorry. I took the picture with my crap-sorry camera phone. And as a matter of fact I'm not sorry. Plant yourself a sloppy kiss on my backside and deal with it! hhhhhhhhhhh...I think I need to go color a little bit.

Black Lung Crayola #1 "Whoopsie Dasies"

This is the first one I did. With a black crayon on wide ruled notebook paper. Stupid play on words in picture form.

Hey there.

My name is Jacob. I have been a smoker for about 14 years. I decided this year to knock that mess off. I'd tried and tried before to no avail. But this year my youngest brother suggested something I found to be quite a good idea. Why not replace my trusty pack of Camel's with a pack of Crayolas. That way, every time I wanted a cigarette, I would just draw pictures. So I braved the -17 degree Iowa morning and hastened to the Hy-Vee where I purchased, for half of what a pack of cigarettes cost, a notebook and a 24 count box of Crayola brand crayons. And this is what brings me to this little blog. Why let facebook take any credit for any of my hasty, nicotine rage induced drawings?! I gotta have me a bloggy-blog.

So I will be posting these as they come to fruition and updating you on my quitting process and the madness that will surely ensue.

p.s. I welcome any suggestions for pictures. This could be fun. And maybe I can get Crayola on board.

Here's to a pink lung future...or at least a drabby gray.

cheers!

-Jacob