Le Grrrr

This is how I feel some nights. Especially the nights where everyone around me is smoking. Giving in would be pretty easy. And some days I wish I hadn't started this because I'm so used to giving in to it. I've tried so many times to quit but then find any excuse in the book to have one. Just got done eating a big meal. Just got done with work. Just woke up. It's (insert day of week here). But I know if I tried to quit without something to occupy my head for a few minutes I'd be choking someone in public or indiscriminately firing off knuckle babies on a public bus. The physical cravings have mostly subsided. I am now engaged in a war against my brain and nearly 15 years of destructive habits.

Oh, hey y'all. Quitting sucks. A lot. I hate it. It's giving me the swears. I'm cranky.






Heard a song on the radio the other day about not trusting ho's. Here's a pg version of what's in my brain.






Boy Orbison. Roy George. Whatever. There ya go, Sam.

saturday night in the tenderloin.

It's pretty hard not to smoke when I drink. So I can't really get drunk or I'm afraid I'll cave. Thus making me a much cheaper date. Ladies?

"Excremation Point"

Sometimes I look at the world as just one giant potential poop joke. Hi, I'm Jacob and I am a 29 year old idiot manchild. Lately not smoking just makes me grumpy. But I can't swear on here because I love my mom and she looks at this. So you get a picture of a swear.

40 Days of this mess.

"Mustard Is For Heroes" was a quote from my friend Jimmy. He tells the truth.

Today at work there was a mop leaned up against a concrete pole. Drew a face on it during break. No big deal.
One of my best friends, Shaun Liboon, is Philipino. Several years ago he was painting houses during the summer and the dudes he was working with thought he looked like an eskimo. They were right. 

Drew this during lunch today. It was kinda dark where I was sitting and couldn't really see what I was drawing. It turned out to look like an Orc with fetal alcohol syndrome. I call this one "Dorc". Sauron's child he doesn't speak of.
This is what time I get up for work. I used to pretty much light up first thing in the morning. Now I want to smash things. And learn how to draw like a grown up. Oh dreamy dreams.

Black Lung Crayola "It's Lame From Outer Space"

I am lame sauce. In other news, I can breathe a little bit better. So today's score is a draw. Jacob: 1   World: 1   Here's to 39 days. Thank you, Crayola, for your ridiculously named crayons. Mauvelous? For shame!

Black Lung Crayola "Long Weekend"

Well, Friday was an extremely hard day for me. I can't really pinpoint it but smoking has been my stress reliever for so long I have a difficult time even thinking of other options. I walked around work all day with a white crayon in my mouth and doodled on things when time permited. After work I stayed in my room and sorted my crayons because I needed to give my fidgity hands something to do. Drew a couple more pictures when the urges struck. Quitting smoking sucks. A lot. It makes me feel crazy sometimes. But my lungs feel better every day. Think I might go for a run tomorrow for the first time in 4 years.